Many times, we are mad at people for the things they have done. However, we also hear people say: “I am doing this for YOU!” or “I meant well. You will understand when you grow up”. When hearing responses like this, have you ever tried to calm down and rethink the whole thing? rethink about things from a new angel? or rethink about things with a different logic? Why or why not? Give a real example and elaborate on it.
My mother used to contribute how much food I must eat each meal. At first, I think it as an expression of mother’s love. But when I was in senior high, she still does so. One day, she cooked a pot of stinky tofu and ordered me to eat some. At the moment, I felt that my heart was filled with some terrible emotion like a dormant volcano on the brink of erupting. I couldn’t restrain my anger from exploding even if I didn’t dislike eating stinky tofu so much. ”I don’t want to eat stinky tofu.” I said coldly. ”It is my order. You have to eat it.” My mother responded with authority. Inevitably, our quarrel began. ”Don’t force me. You always force me. You have force me over ten years!” I shouted at her. A few minutes later, war became cold war. Hundreds of minutes later, I, not volcano anymore, was like the Titanic collided with an iceberg. The only thing I could do is face the reality and let stinky tofu with anger sank into the bottom of my stomach.
Now, I feel the argument ridiculous. Maybe I am old enough to do anything I want, but it doesn’t mean that I am capable of doing anything I like. I am thin and eat less indeed. She wants me to eat more and gain weight indeed. I am her rebellious daughter indeed. She is my authoritative mother indeed. The most important is I love her as she loves me indeed.
It seems that every family has the same story. As a mother of four, I, too, frequently order my children to eat up all I have prepared for them. I also tell them what I am doing is for their own good. My children sometimes fight back, refusing to take even a bite of it. Other times, they argue that they have grown up enough to be able to make decisions by themselves. I sometimes give in to it, other times insist on my principles. Therefore, we have quarrels, cold wars once in a while. However, one thing we can be sure of is that we are one family, who love each other, depend on each other. No matter what happens between us, we can surely manage to make it. In my opinion, if there is more respect, space and thoughtfulness between family members, a family will be a paradise full of only love, caring, and support rather than quarrels, fights, cold wars or even regret.
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回覆刪除I myself often learn from my children. They teach me that children need space to grow up and chances to experience the real life on their own. Therefore, we parents need not arrange everything for our children, asking children to follow our way. Even though our way is better than children’s way, letting go of children and allowing them to make mistakes is also a kind of worthwhile means of learning. My children also teach me that they need to be accepted as what they are. Even though we parents consider them naïve and ignorant, they still have the right to learn to be responsible and make decision for themselves. Only in this way do they get a chance to grow and develop strong wills and minds. What’s better, they teach me one important concept that don’t put all the focus on them. I need to care about myself, to seek my goal, to live my life and to fulfill myself. It’s I myself that is in the center of my life, not my children. Only when I can take good care of myself, satisfy my own need, am I devoted to taking care of them and satisfying their need. That’s why I decide to pursue my long dreaming goal-being a graduate student and enjoying the life of academic learning.
回覆刪除I appreciate what you learn from your children especially letting them learn from making mistakes. I think many parents are overprotective now. Thus, some irresponsible youth and so called “strawberry generation” are made. In an article of Liu Yong(劉墉), his son, who studies in Stuyvesant, has to take a train for several hours. Liu didn’t drive him to school. Instead, he told his son many social arts and principles. I think Liu is an excellent demonstration for education. I have no experiences of having children. But I could understand parents think their choices are always the best. They are so experienced that they don’t want their children suffer the same problem as them. As to children, I usually hope my parents don’t give me so much limit and order. But at the same time, I tend to ask them for help. Such a contradiction is responsible for quarrel and cold war. I think parents and children both have to give space to each other, a space of listening to each other.
回覆刪除Dear Tina,
回覆刪除You are right. Both parents and children have a lot to learn. No one is born knowing how to be a parent or a child. Knowing our limit, then we learn.
Best,
Faith